I wanted to become a pastor yet i suck. I can not even influence people around me. I can not even quote a verse from the bible. I can not even convince my friends that i can be a pastor. My family can not even back me up. People around me don't even care. I can not even persuade them from doing what is wrong. I can not even talk them out on something that is not right. They don't care if i get hurt in the process. Or it doesn't matter if i get hurt or not, as long as they are happy.
So really, who cares if i want to become a pastor? Or you can tell me to wake up from a dream. Or, who cares about me? No one. Nobody cares. Nobody cares what i feel. Who cares if i get angry or not? Yes, I can't live without those people around me but they are better off without me. It doesn't matter if i exist or not, what matter is i don't matter.
Do i matter to God? I don't think so, for i am sinful and nobody would give a second thought to care. So to become a pastor, probably, i just have to keep on dreaming because it is very far from reality.