Monday, December 3, 2007

watercolor #7: slight snow

it snow last saturday and sunday.

the painting is an 8.5" x 11" watercolor

Friday, November 2, 2007

Monday, October 29, 2007

water color #2: demotion

I am saddened by the news that one of my pastor friend was removed from being a pastor. She is not really a close friend. I don't even see her that often. Maybe once every quarter. But i like her. She is kind. It was sad not because she was removed as a pastor of our church. It is because she was stripped off her identity as a pastor.

Is being a pastor only mandated by the local church?? Is it because the church that trained you, that assigned you doesn't want your service, they can just say that you are not a pastor anymore?? You are demoted.

Are the pastors ordained for the church or for the people?? Can someone be called as a pastor only if they are in the church??

I almost started the training or started to walk on the pathway of becoming a pastor. Being a pastor to my local church, but even if i am in the middle of it, i will stop. I will definitely stop before they do the same thing to me.

Or perhaps, this is one way of God telling me i am not called to be one of them. To be a pastor.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

watercolor #1: lonely house

I painted this last Sunday.

The image is an original 5"x7" watercolor.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

wrong way, gelato and God

Many times in our lives, we made a wrong turn. At the moment, it's like having the best tasting ice cream that we can get. And suddenly you realized that you've made a wrong move. You turned the wheel around and luckily for us God is always God.

Whatever we do in life, we sometimes fall, we sometimes do the wrong thing, we most of the times sin and turn against God. But God is always the same God that loves us. We can always go back to Him and ask for forgiveness. We can always call Him our father in heaven. And He will always have a loving arms ready to accept us and love us.

Are you in the wrong road right now? a wrong way? There is hope of turning back to God. He is just waiting for you to come to Him.

"Thank you Lord God for being with us always."

We went yesterday at La Casa Gelato, they serve 218 flavors at any given time. They already have 508+ flavors in their menu. Got the image from their site.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Is it the same as pastoring? or evangelism? Can we preach outside the church building? Is there any measure of training that we need in order to preach? Did Moses undergo church training in order to preach the good news to the Israelites? Did Peter stop catching fish in order to attend some presentation on how to preach the gospel?

Church system affected the way we think. It polluted the way we see how the apostles preach the good news. They impose too much rules and guidelines that they neglected that preaching is a calling from God. I believe that preaching comes from the heart. Nobody can decide for ourselves if we want to preach or not.

As nakedpastor told me some time ago, we need to abide by the system that we personally oppose. In order to preach within the church, we need to follow some rules.

But never let anything or anyone or any system leads you away from what God has called you to do. And i speak for myself.

"Heavenly father, let me see what you have called me to do."

Thursday, August 9, 2007

What God counts?

We live in a sinful world. Most often we see people when they do something wrong. We judge them according to the skin-deep perception of our minds. We notice every inch of their insufficiency. We argue about their shortcomings. But are they the only one that sins? How about us? Are we so righteous that we judge them? It is clearly written that "all have sin and fall short to the glory of God".

Who gave us the authority to condemn others of what they are doing or what they have done? It is the very sinful nature of ourself. The very self-centered "me" that ignores how others want to get back on track. We are the one counting other's fall and we try to avoid looking when they are trying to stand on their feet. And we are professing that we want to be Christ-like. If we want to be Christ-like in our daily walk with Him, let us count the number of times our brethren wants to stand up.

“We count not the number of times we fall,
but the number of times we stand up.
It is all that matters,
the not giving up.”

Heavenly father, allow me to love more.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

How to talk to God?

I've learned to talk to God the way i never thought i can. It is natural for us to approached Him as someone who is in authority. We pay respect not because we love Him but because we want something from Him. We look to Him as a father that if we behave and do something good, He will bless us financially. We look at God as a vendo machine, if we put something(money) in we can get anything we want. If we want bigger things, we have to put more money into the vendo slot. We join ministry works, we preach, we practice at the music, we teach at sunday school and we want to do more for the church, expecting that God will bless us because we are doing so many things in His so called church. But does God really works that way? Did we create God as someone that we can use to satisfy us of anything.

We utter so many words in our prayer to make sure that God will understand us? Come on...God is God. We don't even have to say a word, He already knows what is in our hearts. Can we just say thanks to Him? We pray so loud that even people outside the buildings can hear? Why? Is God deaf that He can't hear us?

Giving thanks to God is the highest form of worship.

Heavenly father, please forgive my blasphemy! And teach us thy ways.

Friday, August 3, 2007

holy discontent

I added a comment on naked pastor's post about a book on holy discontent, asking "how can we tell if our discontent is holy or not". He commented back that it is for me to search for it.

Discontent is another way of saying you want a goal, a vision. What if you don't have any? You don't see yourself looking at the future. Because deep within you, you are afraid of doing the same mistake that you've done in the past. You are afraid of the same circumstances happening in the future. You are afraid of having the same hurtful feeling that you still have. You are paranoid of seeing the same series of events unfold that leads to the same mistake.

You tell God that anyway He allows it to happened. What if He allows it again? Do you have any control? Can you tell what other people have in mind? Can you tell if they are telling the truth or not? Can you tell if they are hiding something? What if they are lying to keep your from being mad that leads to something that will make you even worst than mad?

What if your previous goal was shattered by what God has allowed to happened? What if you thought that your vision before is holy? You thought that you are doing those things for God yet God doesn't want to protect you from pain and suffering? Do we let those goal slip away from our grip? Or do we let God process us?

Is there really a holy discontent?

Perhaps, we can forget about goal. Forget any vision. Forget any discontent. No more looking at the future. At least, if those hurtful circumstances ever happened again, we will not blame God because He allows it again. Let's blame God today and tomorrow let us allow Him to be God of our life.

Let God be God.

Heavenly Father, please come back soon for us to sin no more.

Friday, June 22, 2007

it is hard

everyday i wanted to post something on my blog, but never had a chance. Not because i don't have access on a machine to write, not because i don't have a minute or so but because of the reason i can't express. But today i just got a chance to write something.

There are times in our life, when someone or somebody makes something wrong to us, we continously remember that wrong. We tried to nourish the bad things that happened. We tried to live on those past circumstances. We often neglect to see the change of heart from those individuals, the longing from them to be a part of you with a new love, with a new life. We overlook their acceptance of the hardship that was brought by the wrong decision that they made. The things that leads to tragedy and heartaches. Yes, it is easier said than done, but many times we try to look backward, remember that Jesus always ask us, "for those that do not have sin cast the first stone". We personally condemned first before we act in love. Because sometimes loving is not enough if we can't love those that wronged us.

But did God love us because we never sin in our lives? If we want to look back because we want to see how others wrong us, then look farther in the past to see how we wronged others, how we neglect their feelings, how we didn't think how they are going to feel. Look farther back, then you will recognized that we did more sins than those who wronged us yesterday. God died for our sins and always think that it is not only for our sins but for the sins of those who did something bad to us. Yes, it is very hard to forget the sins committed to you by others, then do remember the sins you committed to those others that you keep on blaming.

It is my fault to forget that i sin against those i thought sins against me. Jesus died not only for us but for everyone. Specially for our loved ones. But do we love them the way God teaches us to love. It is easy to say 'sorry' to those strangers you bumped on the skytrain, it is easy to say 'sorry' for those people that you don't even know. But have you say 'sorry' to those close to you? Have you told them that you are 'sorry' for the pain that you cause them?

Let's pray to God that He showers us with love for others especially those that are close to you.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

to become a pastor yet i suck

I wanted to become a pastor yet i suck. I can not even influence people around me. I can not even quote a verse from the bible. I can not even convince my friends that i can be a pastor. My family can not even back me up. People around me don't even care. I can not even persuade them from doing what is wrong. I can not even talk them out on something that is not right. They don't care if i get hurt in the process. Or it doesn't matter if i get hurt or not, as long as they are happy.

So really, who cares if i want to become a pastor? Or you can tell me to wake up from a dream. Or, who cares about me? No one. Nobody cares. Nobody cares what i feel. Who cares if i get angry or not? Yes, I can't live without those people around me but they are better off without me. It doesn't matter if i exist or not, what matter is i don't matter.

Do i matter to God? I don't think so, for i am sinful and nobody would give a second thought to care. So to become a pastor, probably, i just have to keep on dreaming because it is very far from reality.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

naked pastor commented

I was excited to read a comment from one of my post, well, the first comment that i ever had without pointing a gun on somebody's forehead. And guess what, i was stunned in amazement that the last person i'm expecting to make it, well, if he can find a time to, commented on my post. I should be replying on the comment itself, but decided to post something about it.

Naked Pastor did commented, if you don't believe me here's the link again (click here). I did read all naked pastor's posts and still reading his daily posts, and love all the pictures, the paintings, the jokes, the cartoons, and specially love the stories of real people in real world. The fallen world that we all live in.

I got the naked pastor's site from one of my dear friend, at first, i was just reading the cartoon stuff. Then i don't know why i decided to read everything from the very beginning. I started, i think at page 77, which is the very first at that time. And keep on reading it, and inspired me to make my own blog. Linking most of his blog. I love his insight and out-of-sight ideas in life.

And pastor, if you are reading this, i just want to extend my sincerest thanks, you gave me an encouragement that will keep this blog kicking, although most of the grammar and syntax is out-of-order, well, not perfect myself.

Thanks again.

also paid for

The really difficult thing to grasp, however, is that the sins committed against me were also covered by the blood of Christ. The wrongs that have been committed against my soul are also those things for which He died. They too were paid for.
taken from Today at the Mission

Monday, May 28, 2007


respite defined as A usually short interval of rest or relief.

i just finished reading all naked pastor's blog from the very beginning, well almost all, and now i'm reading a new blog; Today at the mission
It talks about the reality of day-to-day life of homeless people, the christian volunteers and the blogger-pastor who is responsible for the site.

From one of his blog,
What if there were no little respites in our lives, with the added stresses of no money, no place to live, our only possessions carried in green garbage bag, poor health and the very real possibility that nothing was going to change?
Most of the time, we feel that our struggle and suffering are the worst in history of mankind, but we seldom fail to notice that we are more blessed than those people without even have a respite in their lives. We thought that we are hopeless, yet we drive with our new car going to our new home, and somebody is waiting for you to be hugged and kissed. Someone is waiting for your love and waiting to be loved, yet still we feel miserable.

What an outlook in life!

Friday, May 25, 2007

poetry #3: i will

I will grieve everyday because i almost lost your love,
I will hate myself everyday because i didn't love you most,
I will bury my heart everyday to escape the pain,
and mostly
I will pray everyday to flourish the love that was left for me.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

poetry #2: my heart cries

my heart cries for not loving you enough,
my heart cries for neglecting your love,
my heart cries for pushing you away,
my heart cries for almost losing you,

my heart cries to God asking why,
my heart cries with joy...
because God's grace is sufficient enough
to bring you back to me.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

from naked pastor again

One of naked pastor's blog that i love,

It talks about the reality of life and a reminder for all of us;

Naked pastor said:
I wrote these 10 points for myself, and thought I would share them with you today. Our friend Nato took his own life just weeks ago, and he’s left behind not only some precious memories, but some pretty serious thinking as well. So, although these are for me, listen in if you want:
  1. LISTEN: People aren’t necessarily fine. Just because someone looks and seems fine, it doesn’t mean they are. I’ve dealt with several suicides before. All of them are a shock, but some more than others. I’ve heard a statistic that about 80% reveal signs beforehand that suicide is an option. The other 20% are a complete shock to everyone, even those closest to them. I’ve learned over the years that people aren’t what they seem. I’ve learned not to be impressed with the persona that’s put out there. I always try to assume that people are wrestling with fundamental issues and many are carrying a great deal of pain. Hear what they are saying, how they are saying it, body language, anything! Underneath the calm can be a great deal of turbulence.
  2. LEAN: Find someone to lean on. Learn how to express what you are going through. Find someone who can listen to your deepest fears and most intense pain. Learn to not be ashamed of yourself and trust someone with your truest self. If you start thinking life isn’t worth living, immediately realize it is a lie. If you start thinking of suicide, for God’s sake, tell someone! If someone asks you if you are, be honest and tell the truth. Life is worth living! Don’t believe the lie. There is help out there! Try talking.
  3. LOOSEN UP: Follow your passion. Find out now what you really, really want to do in life and pursue that. Since Nato’s suicide, some people who knew him have actually quit jobs that they hated or are contemplating doing so, figuring correctly that life’s too short to be stuck in something that’s killing their soul! Why stay trapped in a cell to which you hold the key in your own hand? Go for it! Be released!
  4. LET IT GO: Money ain’t everything. So what if you are in debt up to your eyeballs! So what if you seem forever to struggle for money. Some people feel so overwhelmed with money problems that they see no way out of the trap and would rather escape the whole world than deal with it. This is related to the point above, but settle it in your heart right now that it doesn’t matter how much or little money you have, joy is the possession of everyone, including you, no matter what size the bank account or the burden of debt.
  5. LOVE: Love the one you’re with. I mean really love them. Don’t believe the myth that the grass is greener on the other side. The one you fell in love with years ago might be gone tomorrow. You might be gone tomorrow. Love is the greatest! So do it, and do it now. Don’t wait for perfect conditions. Love Lisa. Love your kids. Love them unconditionally. Extravagantly! Stop holding back, being reserved and cautious. Love her like there is no tomorrow.
  6. LIVE and LAUGH: Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy life. It isn’t all about working, making money, paying bills, chores, deadlines. It is about life. It is about enjoying the trees, the sunsets, the walks, the drives, the stars, the music, the wine, the people, the movies, whatever. Take it all in. Drink life to the dregs. Live every day as though it were your last. You’re taking life too seriously. Have fun. Enjoy what you have and enjoy what is. I am surrounded by all kinds of things to enjoy and to rejoice in. Gandhi’s mantra was “joy”. In spite of indescribable struggles and hardships, joy characterized his demeanor. Rejoice! Again I say, rejoice!
  7. LOSE IT: Don’t put up with the crap. Suddenly, some things are no longer important to those of us left behind. When faced with death or other kinds of great loss, superficialities lose their appeal. Things that waste time and energy and money no longer tempt. Things that are fake are forsaken. It’s time to get real! If you smell crap coming, reject it! If you detect it in yourself, dump it! Hate hypocrisy! Abhor pretension!
  8. LEARN: Learn that God is far more mysterious than you give him credit for. You so want to believe silly notions about God because they give you a false sense of security and comfort. Suddenly, this kind of tragedy makes you realize that God and life aren’t as simple as you’d like or thought. God is very unlike you, and his ways are not your ways. He doesn’t subscribe to your neat little packages. You are swimming in an endless, fathomless ocean of profound, beautiful and terrifying mystery!
  9. LEAP: Take some chances. Live a life of risk. Do what you’ve always wanted to do. Take that trip. Try a new venture. Start that business! Sell all you have and give to the poor. Whatever it is that you’ve dreamed of doing, give it a shot. Life’s too short to live a life of just dreaming, of caution and inevitably of regret. Take that extraordinary leap of faith. What are you waiting for?
  10. LET THEM BE: One of the consistent burdens that you carry are the expectations put upon you by others. Of course, you need to learn to resist carrying other people’s expectations they place upon you, but my point here is that you need to let people be! Don’t thrust your goals for others upon them. Not even your children or wife! Release people from your desires. Let people be free to choose their own destiny, to find themselves, to live as they see fit. Loosen your hold on others. They are already extraordinarily beautiful!

In conclusion: Picture yourself on your death bed. What will be filling your heart and mind at that moment? Money? Job? Vocation? Cars? Houses? Possessions? Projects? Goals? Expectations for others? No! Your heart will be bursting with gratitude for those who’ve loved you and for those you’ve loved. The only regret will be that you didn’t love and receive love more freely and unconditionally. So start now!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

poetry #1: the heart

It might seem hard to discern,
the longing within,
the thoughtful concern
of thine heart,

Yet it still survive,
still beating,
for the purpose
of being loved and
to love again.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

prayer for today

"Heavenly Father, help us to focus on you more rather than the circumstances of this life"

Friday, May 18, 2007

not an evolution #1: buntzen lake ,canada

do you think this is a result of an evolution? or God created this marvelous lake for us to see?

this picture was taken at buntzen lake, canada. we went there last saturday to have our church outing. been fun and had some games.

i'm posting this while my wife is right here beside me ;)

i'm hungry,need to eat now...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

trap and temptation 2

This one is not about the mouse that i caught again last night. Its dead anyway, the second catch this week.

I dropped the kidz this morning, my daughter Lara and our church friend's kidz Jessica, Joyjoy and Joseph at school. We were in the front gate of the school when i saw one of the mom wearing this short-short-mini skirt. Tempting ... She is guiding her son to the entrance door. Can't help looking back. Why are we tempted? It is not yet summer but we can already feel the scent and breeze of temptation. Is temptation common to all of us or just a few??

We basically are tempted because we are human. We have some needs that are not satisfied at home or workplace, (not saying i'm not satisfied, my wife will kill me...sshhh). No relationship is perfect. Nothing is perfect. Each relationship always lacks the 10%. Sometimes we saw those 10% from other person, wishing that we have those 10%. We sometimes dream to have those things that are in our neighbors backyard(envy??). Thats the main reason why temptation has a stronghold in us. As long as we keep on looking on what we don't have and doesn't appreciate the given 90% of our life. Life will be so depressing and stressful.

Temptation is for human... in Hebrews 4:15, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin." Even Jesus himself was tempted when He was still on this world. But we have the assuring grace and mercy from God that if we ask for it, He will give it to us wholeheartedly, whenever temptation comes our way. in verse 16 ,"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.".

Let's continuously ask God for His grace and mercy and strength to overcome those temptation.

Happy temptation season to all....

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

blog copied

I love this one, from

nakedpastor says:

I preached yesterday. Basically my message was this. In Matthew 5:23, Jesus talks about someone coming to give their sacrifice at the altar, but upon remembering that he has offended someone, should leave his gift at the altar, go and be reconciled to his brother, then return and give the sacrifice. This reveals the stages of our approach to God:

1. our desire to approach God (either out of religious obedience, true desire, fear, desperation, whatever);
2. we are checked by the Spirit (we discover that something is required of us… the sacrifice isn’t so much an external offering, a thing outside of ourselves, but we ourselves are to be the sacrifice to God);
3. we deal with the mundane realities of our lives in the ordinary events of our days… loving and being loved, reconciliation and forgiveness;
4. we return, maybe less inspired or spiritually high, but having died to ourselves, we approach God more out of obedience than desire, although desire is not excluded.

I compared this to the story of the rich young ruler in Mark 10:17ff. Here’s the sequence of events:
1. he approaches Jesus out of desire to give his gift (he wants eternal life);
2. he is checked by Jesus (“this one thing you lack”);
3. he will not deal with it… he is “shocked” because the requirement is too great.
4. he leaves Jesus shocked and downcast.

It is important to note that Jesus “loved him” before the requirement was met or even voiced. I think this shows important steps in our relationship with God. We come to him for various reasons, but it is usually self-motivated and on our own terms. God always, out of love, reveals that he doesn’t desire something external from us, but we ourselves, and the requirement is very great because it means death to ourselves and our own agendas, even religious ones. As Jesus said, “Unless you take up your cross and follow me…” The flesh, that can possess very religious aspirations, desires to follow, but without taking up the cross. We want the friendship of Jesus without the requirement of him being the Lord of our entire lives.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

trap & temptation

Its been a while since i put a sticky mouse pad trap to catch those tiny mouse at home. But to no success till last night, i place a deadly mouse trap and put a chocolate coated raisin as bait. Who can resist it??? Even the smartest mouse ever lived can't resist that temptation.

Sounds familiar??? Satan put a chocolate coated temptation in our lives to traps us into eternal damnation. First, just a smell, then some touches then before you know it you are already trapped.

The little innocent mouse was killed trapped on the deadly bait. It was not even able to taste the chocolate coating. It has no choice of escaping the subtle but deadly course of action that he has taken.

Most of us went to that similar situation. Trapped and can't escape. Afraid of something that we don't know. Afraid of the ghost that we have created. Are you willing to die about something that you can't hold on forever like that mouse???

Rethink about your situation today...


I should have posted this one yesterday but i thought it would be appropriate to post it today.

Today is about forgetting the past and not looking at the future, just today. Today is the time to give the best love that you can give to those dearest to you for tomorrow you might not have another chance. Today is the right time to move on not looking backwards but forward. Leaving the past behind us and feeling the warm bright sunshine in your face today. Just allow the balance of cold air and warm breath of the sun.

Sometimes, because of the pain of the past that hinders us to live for today, it is hard to keep moving. Rest assure that our almighty God is looking down from heaven and also feeling the pain that we are suffering today. But he can't remove it, because its all part of the long process of spiritual maturity. He can give us comfort knowing that He is with us throughout the whole painful process of life.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

happy mother's day

Happy mother's day to my beautiful wife Lani and to all mothers out there. I don't have much savings nowadays but i guess i can give her a kiss. Lucky for me its free.

Let's show our appreciation to our mother and specially to our wife. As i remember one of the quotes from the nakedpastor's blog, "What profits a man if he gains the whole world and loses his wife.". Not exactly from a bible verse but there is much impact on our relationship specially for everyone. Marriage is a strong pillar that holds our family together but if goes unchecked that very foundation can be a great downfall of good men in history.

Let's keep on praying to God for strength. Emotional, physical and spiritual strength to keep us through life's battle.

Its sunday and almost late for the church. Its our church's anniversary, 2nd year already.

Have to go now.

Friday, May 11, 2007

here i am

26 But if he says, 'I am not pleased with you,' then I am ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him." 2 Samuel 15:26 (New International Version)

There are times that we question God when things go wrong. When we are not expecting life to turn the other way. As i was reading the daily bread today, God struck me direct into my heart that we can rest in His peace. As king David said in his times of trouble, "Here I am,...". Although its hard to understand whats in God's mind, we will know for sure that it will be part of the whole picture of life as God sees it.

Can't wait for the next day to make a new blog. ;)

My wife asked me why "barren mind". We can never know exactly what is in God's mind thereby rendering us barren..

can i blog??

inspiration comes from everywhere,

i was inspired to make this blog by so many things or should i say so many individuals, first making a progress report is hard for me well not too many to say, and there is this naked pastor that i started to read his blog from the very first page. I think its page 77.

Looking for a blog name, well thanks to a friend for giving a hand and a keyboard to search for it.

thats all for now, this is my first what do you expect? :)