it is hard

everyday i wanted to post something on my blog, but never had a chance. Not because i don't have access on a machine to write, not because i don't have a minute or so but because of the reason i can't express. But today i just got a chance to write something.

There are times in our life, when someone or somebody makes something wrong to us, we continously remember that wrong. We tried to nourish the bad things that happened. We tried to live on those past circumstances. We often neglect to see the change of heart from those individuals, the longing from them to be a part of you with a new love, with a new life. We overlook their acceptance of the hardship that was brought by the wrong decision that they made. The things that leads to tragedy and heartaches. Yes, it is easier said than done, but many times we try to look backward, remember that Jesus always ask us, "for those that do not have sin cast the first stone". We personally condemned first before we act in love. Because sometimes loving is not enough if we can't love those that wronged us.

But did God love us because we never sin in our lives? If we want to look back because we want to see how others wrong us, then look farther in the past to see how we wronged others, how we neglect their feelings, how we didn't think how they are going to feel. Look farther back, then you will recognized that we did more sins than those who wronged us yesterday. God died for our sins and always think that it is not only for our sins but for the sins of those who did something bad to us. Yes, it is very hard to forget the sins committed to you by others, then do remember the sins you committed to those others that you keep on blaming.

It is my fault to forget that i sin against those i thought sins against me. Jesus died not only for us but for everyone. Specially for our loved ones. But do we love them the way God teaches us to love. It is easy to say 'sorry' to those strangers you bumped on the skytrain, it is easy to say 'sorry' for those people that you don't even know. But have you say 'sorry' to those close to you? Have you told them that you are 'sorry' for the pain that you cause them?

Let's pray to God that He showers us with love for others especially those that are close to you.

to become a pastor yet i suck

I wanted to become a pastor yet i suck. I can not even influence people around me. I can not even quote a verse from the bible. I can not even convince my friends that i can be a pastor. My family can not even back me up. People around me don't even care. I can not even persuade them from doing what is wrong. I can not even talk them out on something that is not right. They don't care if i get hurt in the process. Or it doesn't matter if i get hurt or not, as long as they are happy.

So really, who cares if i want to become a pastor? Or you can tell me to wake up from a dream. Or, who cares about me? No one. Nobody cares. Nobody cares what i feel. Who cares if i get angry or not? Yes, I can't live without those people around me but they are better off without me. It doesn't matter if i exist or not, what matter is i don't matter.

Do i matter to God? I don't think so, for i am sinful and nobody would give a second thought to care. So to become a pastor, probably, i just have to keep on dreaming because it is very far from reality.

naked pastor commented

I was excited to read a comment from one of my post, well, the first comment that i ever had without pointing a gun on somebody's forehead. And guess what, i was stunned in amazement that the last person i'm expecting to make it, well, if he can find a time to, commented on my post. I should be replying on the comment itself, but decided to post something about it.

Naked Pastor did commented, if you don't believe me here's the link again (click here). I did read all naked pastor's posts and still reading his daily posts, and love all the pictures, the paintings, the jokes, the cartoons, and specially love the stories of real people in real world. The fallen world that we all live in.

I got the naked pastor's site from one of my dear friend, at first, i was just reading the cartoon stuff. Then i don't know why i decided to read everything from the very beginning. I started, i think at page 77, which is the very first at that time. And keep on reading it, and inspired me to make my own blog. Linking most of his blog. I love his insight and out-of-sight ideas in life.

And pastor, if you are reading this, i just want to extend my sincerest thanks, you gave me an encouragement that will keep this blog kicking, although most of the grammar and syntax is out-of-order, well, not perfect myself.

Thanks again.

also paid for

The really difficult thing to grasp, however, is that the sins committed against me were also covered by the blood of Christ. The wrongs that have been committed against my soul are also those things for which He died. They too were paid for.

taken from Today at the Mission

respite

respite defined as A usually short interval of rest or relief.

i just finished reading all naked pastor's blog from the very beginning, well almost all, and now i'm reading a new blog; Today at the mission
It talks about the reality of day-to-day life of homeless people, the christian volunteers and the blogger-pastor who is responsible for the site.

From one of his blog,

What if there were no little respites in our lives, with the added stresses of no money, no place to live, our only possessions carried in green garbage bag, poor health and the very real possibility that nothing was going to change?

Most of the time, we feel that our struggle and suffering are the worst in history of mankind, but we seldom fail to notice that we are more blessed than those people without even have a respite in their lives. We thought that we are hopeless, yet we drive with our new car going to our new home, and somebody is waiting for you to be hugged and kissed. Someone is waiting for your love and waiting to be loved, yet still we feel miserable.

What an outlook in life!

poetry #3: i will

I will grieve everyday because i almost lost your love,
I will hate myself everyday because i didn't love you most,
I will bury my heart everyday to escape the pain,
and mostly
I will pray everyday to flourish the love that was left for me.

poetry #2: my heart cries

my heart cries for not loving you enough,
my heart cries for neglecting your love,
my heart cries for pushing you away,
my heart cries for almost losing you,

my heart cries to God asking why,
my heart cries with joy...
because God's grace is sufficient enough
to bring you back to me.